The Tracks of My Tears

As always, I've been super affected by all the things happening lately, both on a macro and micro level. I try to balance paying attention to world events with protecting my peace and being able to lead sturdily as a mom and coach (more on this forthcoming!)

Now I am in the midst of a personal transition and I'm feeling extra emotional and porous. My kids just finished their school year, and my older daughter is off to sleepaway camp. This is all positive and I'm grateful for my daughter's upcoming camp experience: the magic, the memories, the growth; forming new lifelong friendships, traditions, etc. Liv is going to my same sleepaway camp; I know what a gift it truly is. Yet, I am struggling. I am so sad at the thought of being away from her. She's my little lovebug, soulmate, best friend. She made me a mommy, and the idea of being without her for a whole summer makes me feel deeply sad, and lonely. Perhaps I'm overreacting in this anticipatory depression. I will, after all, be with the rest of my family this summer! My other loves, soulmates, best friends. And yet, I don't want to be apart from any of them, certainly not my firstborn.

All of this to say, I am feeling extra sensitive. I heard a beautiful song while commuting to the city last week, and I just put on my sunglasses and let myself cry on the train. Tonight I teared up during dinner while Liv danced to Mystical Magical. I'm really going to miss my girl's vibe & company this summer. Part of me is thinking, suck it up mama. Hold it together. And I will try to hold it together, at least in front of the kids. The other part of me is allowing. Allowing myself to feel forlorn about my baby leaping off into another chapter. Allowing myself to cry on the train, or during dinner, when I am processing something both beautiful and hard.

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